A small note defining coffee types and their acceptance in polite society

I remember the title of a book from when I was younger, There’s an Awful Lot of Weirdos in Our Neighbourhood: A Book of Rather Silly Poems and Pictures, and the weirdos put me in mind of people I see drinking coffee.

An americano with steam milk and foam, for example. Which is what, other than a waste of time? At least the person bought it in Starbucks so it wasn’t a waste of good coffee.

A flat white. Ridiculous.

The Core Coffees, upon which the world is built

  1. Espresso: always a single, a shot of coffee extracted under high pressure from fine grounds.
  2. Cappucino: one third espresso, one third steamed milk, one third foam.
  3. Caffelatte: if you really must, although it’s bordering on the creepy. Only to be drunk by incredibly attractive female-presenting personae, and only they know what goes into this comforter. Not to be ordered by a self-respecting cis man.

Other Coffees

  1. Cafetiere: not, as known by the retarted and xenophobic, a ‘French press’ (this is actually a sexual position, and the French find it terribly funny). A jug with a filtered plunger, good for a slow morning.
  2. Greek/Turkish coffee: fantastic. Inspired. Cardomon is ground into the coffee, with is gound to a dust, which is boiled and sweetened.
  3. Vacuum coffee: science, art, showing off and coffee in one.

Anyone drinking anything else? Just another of the herd of weirdos in my neighbourhood.